MARRIAGE – Stereotypical advice.
Marriage is indeed wonderful thing. God created marriage for procreation and companionship. A man/woman meets with a total stranger, they converse, they get to understand and know each other, they share each other’s thoughts and ideas, they get attracted to each other, the proposer proposes, introductions are made, wedding bells rings loud, they tie the knot and they become one. Marriage is a journey between two compatible, and all-round-matured adults. Marriage is not a decision one takes after waking up from a long deep sleep—marriage is prepared for, like one prepares for a journey.
What happens before a traveller embarks on a journey?
He would carry along with him, everything he would need in course of his journey and in his final destination—he would make sure he lacks nothing for the journey. If he carries insufficient food, he may starve to death; if he carries a few coins, he may stop half way—so he needs to be ready before setting out for the journey, that’s how marriage is. Marriage is not rushed, neither is it forced—it’s timed and out of one’s freewill.
It’s not wrong to give a good advice—especially one culled out from experience. Giving of advices in marriage and orientation is not for a partner alone, it’s for both partners. Advices are mostly given to women by their parents or friends or mentors etc. before marriage, with the start-up cliche words: do this, don’t do that, be this, don’t be that—sometimes putting pressure on the woman. If the marriage unfortunately shatters, all blames are shifted to the woman. Lips will say: you were not a good wife, you didn’t do this, you weren’t that—all shades of presumption are being made and all eyes judges the woman. The woman is not always the fault of her shattered marriage. The way women are sat down and talked to, advised before marriage—to be responsible and updoing wives, is that how the men are being advised to be responsible and updoing husbands? When a right is trying to make a wrong right and it doesn’t want to go right, it goes left with force and destroys what is in the right. If husbands and wives are fully oriented, I doubt anything can shatter marriages. Both partners need to be thought how to be responsible, treat their spouse, care for one another, be a good father/mother to their children and a good partner.
It’s not a one partner thing, the advice is solely meant for the women—this has always been the stereotypical way of advising partners and it is wrong. One partner cannot build and at the same time sustain the marriage. It takes two rights to make a complete right.
The conventional way of bombarding the women should be modified. If both partners are bombarded the same way with good advices, then coupled with love and understanding, the rate of divorce would decrease all over the world.
Since marriage is a union of two adults to one, they must be united in every process and every thing marriage entail. No unfair treatment, no atom of stereotype in marriage.
To your understanding of this article,
Inspired by Amaka Muoneke